Home has grown too.

It is harder than I thought, coming home. 

Fours months away provides a significant amount of space for growth. Space allows for the development of new habits and broadened horizons. Space allows for change, even when it is not sought out. College called me at the end of summer, and I left Wisconsin with every intention of remaining the same, of carrying Home with me, somehow, in my back pocket. Of course, that didn't quite happen. It slipped out of my grip while I was away, due to many adventures... Home. It blurred a little at College. School happened. Friends happened. A lack of sleep and good cell connection happened. Home. It always remained in my heart, a strong, clear melody, but just softer than before. I grew at College, and when I was away, Home grew too. 

It was no longer August when I returned from College. I discovered very quickly that Home didn't push 'pause' while I was away. Things just kept going, like me, I suppose. Summer was gone when I returned, lost in the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season. Snow was on the ground. Football season was in. The frosty hardwood floor nipped at my bare feet in the mornings. Home felt funny, jolted, like a movie that skipped several scenes ahead. College had been happening for the past few months, in vibrant colors and high-definition. College was so full, so real, I forgot that Home had been happening too. The change became very real as I stepped off of the plane and into the arms of my family. Home. The weather wasn't the only thing that changed. There were new picture frames on the wall, familiar faces but in new positions. The bathroom walls had been painted a new color. The puppy slept in a new spot on the couch. There were inside jokes that I didn't understand, performances that I had missed, names that I had never heard. 

Home smelled the same when I came back. It looked the same. It sounded the same. But it had grown; Home had changed... I guess experiencing this change is experiencing true homesickness. The pain of separation from Home is great, but the pain of missing out on the growth of Home is greater. This is a homesickness that hits very deep. The wound is one that heals, I think. And it was necessary wound, one that allowed me to grow in new ways.  

I have indeed grown at college. They say I laugh differently now. I have tried and liked a plethora of new foods. I have learned and studied. I have failed. I have succeeded. There are new names in the  stories that I tell, new faces in my memory, ones that I try and describe but can never quite capture with words. I like to wear different colors than before, and my hair is shorter. I know a little bit of guitar. I like to talk a little more. I have traversed the first six books of Euclid. I can conjugate a bit of Latin and have delved into the writings of philosophers like Plato and Plotinus and Ratzinger. I know myself a little better. My horizons are a little bigger. I too have grown. 

A return to Home has been good. I have a few weeks to be, to breathe, to rest. I try and catch up on the bits of Home that I have missed while away, and I try even harder to enjoy the bits of growth that I can experience in person. My family is very kind and tolerates all the selfish tendencies that arise when one is away at college. And I slowly readjust to family life again, normal hours of sleep, and proper nutrition. We spend much time together, talking, laughing, eating, and behind books (or Mac books)... Home. It is once again up close, vibrant, and in high definition. 

The embrace of home after a semester of College is bittersweet... Much has changed, and change is hard, I find. But the sweetness of Home is much stronger than any bitterness. And day-by-day, we, Home and I, continue to grow.   

Till next time,

Graci Rose